A Powerful Determinant of Behavior, Mindset and Habits Can Block the Path to a More Successful Future

By Stephanie Jordan
Managing Editor, Connections

“People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.” This quote by Frederick Matthias Alexander, an Australian actor who developed the Alexander Technique, an educational process said to recognize and overcome reactive, habitual limitations in movement and thinking, is profound to Kristin Kopelson, ACNP-BC, FNP-BC and member of CANP West Los Angeles, North Chapter. Kopelson believes it is important to identify and build upon positive habits and behaviors – or develop new ones – as well as reshape those habits and behaviors that are not serving us – so that each nurse practitioner can attain individual goals, make essential contributions to health care, and work to overcome barriers.

“There are NPs out there doing tremendous things, getting advanced degrees, doing interesting research, providing leadership in professional organizations, being leaders in institutions, and are highly respected in so many ways. It then occurred to me that each one of us should take a good look at ourselves and ask: Am I really that different? Why couldn’t I do those amazing things? It is really about different behavior. Habits can either help or hinder us.”

Kopelson acknowledges that some barriers are societal and out of one’s control, but there are others that we can gain mastery over, not only for ourselves, but also to help others excel too.

“While individuals have unique strengths and weaknesses, there are some common behaviors among women that can facilitate or impede success,” says Kopelson. “By identifying and highlighting our best traits and behaviors, we can build upon these strengths.”

A habit is comprised of three parts. First is the cue, which is the prompt or something that triggers a patterned routine. Second is the routine, or the behavior we commonly think of as the habit. Last is the reward, the payoff, or the satisfaction we get from meeting some craving or need.

A widely popular book called Psycho-Cybernetics, a self-help book written by plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz in 1960, stated that patients seemed to take about 21 days to get used to their new faces. It is from this reference that still today three weeks is considered the length of time it takes to form a habit.

However, according to a 2009 study, the time it takes to form a habit is not that simple. Researchers from University College London examined the new habits of 96 people over the space of 12 weeks and found that the average time it takes for a new habit to stick is actually 66 days; furthermore, individual times varied from just 18 all the way to 254 days. 

This means the answer to the question, “How long does it take to break a habit?” is really difficult to state, because it depends on the individual and the habit. Breaking a habit really means establishing a new habit, a new pre-potent response. The old habit or pattern of responding is still there (a pattern of neuron responses in the brain), but it is less dominant (less potent).

Start with Mindset

A person’s mindset plays a major role in both motivation and achievement of habits. Kopelson states that it is important to understand the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

“According to the research by social psychologist, Heidi Grant, a growth mindset moves you—and the people around you—forward, always reaching and improving,” she says. “It is that ‘get better’ mindset that improves creativity, resilience, performance and other vital skills that create success. You have to change your mindset from one of being good or bad at something to always getting better. It doesn’t just happen.”

Examples of growth mindset trigger words include: grow, progress, over time, become, improve, and develop. A fixed mindset is characterized by negative self-talk, and a belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents are fixed traits. For example, Kopelson says, “None of us were born good at playing the piano. Those that can play well worked at it.”

Habits

A favorite resource book of Kopelson is How Women Rise, Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back From Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith. In it the authors discuss behaviors that undermine people, especially women at work. These include: Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements; Expecting Others to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Hard Work; Overvaluing Expertise; Building Rather than Leveraging Relationships; Failing to Enlist Allies from Day One; Putting Your Job Before Your Career; The Disease to Please; The Desire to be Perfect; Speaking While Emotional; Minimizing; Ruminating; and Letting Your Radar Distract You.

Here are four habits that particularly resonate with Kopelson and represent good examples of ways success can be hindered because of behavior patterns. 

Habit 1: Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements

Helgesen and Goldsmith write that not promoting achievements can be detrimental to success and that women must learn how to promote themselves.

“If you think your work will speak for itself and have trouble talking about your accomplishments, you have a reluctance to claim your achievements,” declares Kopelson. “It might be useful to enlist the help of others to speak on your behalf. These peer-level champions can help promote you and you can do the same in return.”

Habit 2: Just Building Rather Than Building and Leveraging Relationships

Leaders know a network is no good unless you know how to use it. Ask people to connect you to higher-ups and become intentional about your relationships. 

“A lot of times women don’t want to base relationships on self-interests and avoid playing the political game,” explains Kopelson. “We don’t want to ‘use’ people, so we have these great relationships at work, but we don’t leverage them. It is good to remember that, hopefully, people can benefit from you too.”

Habit 3: Putting Your Job Before Your Career

Helgesen and Goldsmith recommend women analyze how a current position can serve long-term interests. In fact, they say women should admit self-interest, and identify the value they bring to the table.

“Feeling strong loyalty to your job, boss, and/or colleagues is great, but not if you often sacrifice your own self-interests,” warns Kopelson. “If you feel stuck in your job or worry about doing your job perfectly every day, you may be putting your job before your career.”

Habit 4: The Disease to Please

While being a team player can be a strength, it can also be a detriment, if you cannot stand your ground and say no. Women, say Helgesen and Goldsmith, need to learn to delegate and identify their higher purpose and priorities, selecting commitments with care.

“Do you find yourself trying to make everyone happy?” asks Kopelson. “Or do you seek frequent validation or become fearful that you will disappoint someone if you say no? If so, you may have trouble with being a pleaser.”

According to researchers at Duke University, habits account for about 40 percent of our behaviors on any given day. These four habits, and the other eight in the book, help illustrate how the experiences in your life or work may have shaped the habits or behaviors most likely to hold you back.

“If we can recognize our own socially conditioned behaviors, we can then aim to move forward in our individual careers and as advanced practice professionals as a whole,” observes Kopelson. “We need to be encouraged that accomplished people reach their goals because of what they do, not just who they are, but to get there you need to integrate the appropriate mindsets and habits into your daily life.”

Advanced practitioners have essential and necessary contributions to make to health care. Some may be more effective than others, but every practitioner’s career is important.

“Habits can make each one of us more effective,” states Kopelson. “We can help each other. How Women Rise suggests a four-step process for letting go of habits that get in your way. The first step is to start with one behavior, or even one part of a behavior, rather than trying to change a lot of things all at once." What are you ready to change? Give it a try.